The Heart of Revenge Read online

The taxi that bring her go had to take out his car seats and go wash it out how bad she bleed-bleed up on the seats. When she go to see the doctor she had to talk up the things ’bout her recent abortion, she couldn’t tell no lie. When Finaral go find out he left her at the hospital and didn’t pay her hospital bill. Her two partners in crime, Syreta and Nash make up them money together, and pay the hospital bill for her.

  When she reached home, Finaral pulled his gun, he shot at her twice. He shot at her nose-bridge and chest. It caught her ears, taking off a piece and the other ripped though her shoulder. She was on the floor bleeding. He came over her and gave her another shot. Shoot her in the chest. The old tough turbit never dead. She survived and to think that would make her stay a hundred miles away from Finaral, it’s like she take a set on him. Mi almost sure she and Finaral start fuck back again. And mi know she up to something, nobody can’t tell mi nothing.

  With all that went down at Lee’s wedding, mi never did have a choice. Mi couldn’t make the slime bucket diss mi sister and spoil her wedding, not under my dead body. Mi mind flash back on Vance. Both his arms had needles in the main veins. The syringes were hooked up to clear tubes that swirled to the drip. The drip was hooked up to a slender stand that reminded me of a mic-stand on four wheels, but this one was in all chrome. When Vance’s heart sent him folding on the floor, his heart stopped beating for about six minutes. After not quitting the mouth to mouth resuscitation, I did get some breathe into him and his heart beating again. But he had not blinked since.

  Everybody’s face in the hospital looked like zombies, like they already dead, and the walls too. They looked plain gray and dead. The faces of all the nurses were naked of smiles. Dad was not the type to cry, his eyes had in tears. His stance was uneven, easing most of the weight onto his good leg, holding his black jacket in his hand, his face looking as if he were at his son’s funeral and the hospital bed he was standing over was actually the grave that his son was in. Mi feel bad for Daddy. Mi feel worse for Vance. I stepped closer to Daddy. I felt the worst about what I did. I held my head down.

  Mi try to chase away the worst outcome of this situation from out my mind.

  “Daddy everything will be good, don’t worry ’bout nothing.” I reached for his hand and held it, he looked away from the grave and looked at me.

  “How mi mustn’t fret? This is the second time this year.”

  “Mi know... but still ...” I tried my hardest to up my spirit and keep positive so I could say positive things to Daddy, “Don't God bring him through the last time? Don’t Dr. Reid said him would be dead? Don’t he’s still living?” All these words just poured out off me without me even thinking about what to say, it just came naturally, “Leave it to God ... he controls all things.”

  “Yeah ... But .. I don't know,” he shook his head, “This worse than ever. If he lost two weeks memory the last time and suffered minor brain damage, what will happen with this big one?”

  “How can you know that this one is worse and he only here less than an hour now. The last time he was in a coma for six days, you can’t know the outcome of this so don’t try predict the worst. Things gonna be crisp man.”

  “Dr. Reid said that if he doesn’t get an ablation treatment done on his heart in less than an hour, he’s gone for good.”

  “Mi don't understand you, what you mean gone for good?” My anger jerked inside me.

  “Gone, gone. Dead.”

  Mi couldn’t even talk. Even though mi know his condition was life and death, I just had it in my head that everything was going to be good. God won’t let a good person die young, more over die a virgin. My man is an old murderer and he is almost twice Vance’s age. I know Vance won’t die but .. but... what Daddy told me, gave me a bitch lick and frightened the hell out of me, it’s kind of like walking casually in the street, chatting and laughing with your close friend and a man screechy up behind you and fling one, rawtid, river stone and bust your head. That was the sudden fright and pain I felt. Dad was looking up to the hospital ceiling as he mouthed,

  “All the talk mi talking to Dr. Reid, showing him that he will get the money, just go ahead and do the surgery, ’cause as soon as we get through to Leelia, he get the money. But all him keep saying is that him can’t start that surgery without it being paid for beforehand.”

  “Wait there. Stop right there so. Him know it’s Vance?”

  “Then nuh must. Of course him know, his exact words were ‘I’m sorry Mr. Lexings, I can’t administer any of that drug or start the surgery before payment, that’s the company’s policy, can’t break procedures.’ No matter how I pleaded to him he just kept on repeating like a robot. ‘ I can’t break procedures, I can’t procedures. I can’t break procedures Mr. Lexings.’.”

  “Bet if mi man roll up in here he would run go do it fast. Or bet if it was his uptown friend son dying he forget about procedure, procedure,” vexation was wrathing through my body, I got louder,

  “Or if a money people him start operate long time before him get the first dollar. BUT WE NOT IMPORTANT. DON'T ?”

  “Pinky just relax.”

  “How much for the operation?”

  “Sixty-four thousand.”

  “Sixty-four thousand! No ... but look how much money we spend with dry-up Dr. Reid already ... We ever owe him a dollar yet ... NO!” My breath got heavy and my voice climbed higher,

  “And my brother must bloodclawt dead, over sixty-four fucking thousand dollar? After we spend over a million dollar in here so. And with him same one! And you gone tell me that my brother going to dead over SIXTY-FOUR THOUSAND DOLLAR!” Mi wanted to mash up every rass thing in the hospital, “Must Belleview this ’cause they must fuck mad in here.” Mi hands start squeeze itself angrily. “Where Dr. Reid?”

  Mi start map out the place to see if mi spot Dr. Reid.

  “Where him gone? As a matter of fact ...”

  I walked off. Daddy grabbed my hand, the only one person in the world that can cool me down, the one person who thought me never let the tail wag the dog. The dog should wag the tail. He spoke to me firmly,

  “Pinky control your temper.” I replied,

  “Control mi bomboclawt!” He stared at me with huge bulb eyes. Yeah I cursed badword to Daddy, so what? It’s not the first. Mi is mi own big woman. Mi have mi own kids, mi live on mi own. Mi is an adult. Daddy curse them too. No disrespect because I love Daddy till the day my bones turn to dust, but right here now, mi vex till mi couldn’t even control what was coming out my mouth. Mi try to rivet the situation in his head. “You a idiot? We spend almost a million dollar here on Vance, Dr. Reid know the youth and that’s how him gone deal with us?” I yanked my hand out of Dad’s grip.

  “What mi should do? Stand up here so over mi brother and watch him dead?”

  “What you doing won’t solve anything either Pinky. Don’t?” Mi never answer. He ask again, "Don't?” Mi still never answer. “What you gone do then? Fight? That’s what you gone do? That’ll make anything better or worse? Think nuh.”

  “You want bet? Bet Dr. Reid have to come in here come do the operation right now. Just watch.” I stormed off.

  “PINKY!”

  “Mi not standing over any bedside and watch my brother dying, and the doctor and medicine is here, you must be sick in your head. After Dr. Reid don't want dead in here today.”

  Dad caught up with me, grabbed both my hands. I wrestled hard to get loose. All that was on my mind was to wring Dr. Reid’s neck till mi hear ‘POP!’. If mi have to haul Dr. Reid by his tongue to get the operation done on my brother before him dead, well, by all means, the pleasure is mine. Vance getting that operation today.

  Mi talk on top of my voice so that even the dead at the hospital think mi too loud.

  “Let mi tell all of you this.” I raised my voice and my face gesticulated the wrath I was in. “Anyhow ... My brother ... Dead in here today.” mi pat my chest three times hard as when mi cursing, “Me personally killing everybody who work in here
.” Mi sweep my hand infront me from one side to the next to gesture the everybody, “Everybody in here! After mi done murder the one Dr. Reid.”

  Dad shook me and my weave became a mess. Mi tussle, twist and turn in his hand.

  “Let mi go Daddy. None of them don't have no respect for life. All of you in here sell your souls and you don’t even know it. Before you work to save a life, you rather watch people dead if them don’t have the money. Money! ... PAPER! ALL OF YOU SELL OUT YOUR DIRTY SOUL. To be poor really is a fucking crime in Jamaica.”

  “Pinky! Settle! Control your temper.”

  All were staring at me as if I got out the insanity ward and I was the dangerous type. The nurses’ white hats that were moving about and the ones that were at the patients’ bed all faced me, and the patients who couldn’t sit up, merely turned their heads slowly in pain to face me.

  “Lost something? Is what all of you looking for? Which part Dr. Reid? Him mi want find.”

  The nurses who were with the patients behind the green curtains, drew their curtains a tad and peeped their heads out. Whenever I looked their direction they would try to hide their faces so I wouldn’t see them.

  A security was marching towards me in seriousness, taking militant strides. Mi yell out,

  “Ooooiie, Rambo, where you going?” He kept coming to me as if I were issuing out free U.S. visa and greencard. “Please just touch mi. Please, mi beg you.”

  Dad used one hand to put up a stop sign to the security, him stop and observe from which part him did stop. But God know mi did want one of them just touch mi. Daddy shook me for about a minute straight.

  “Just control you temper little girl and make we try to save Vance life, not try go jail ... Time’s running.”

  Mi draw out mi asthma pump out my handbag, take two puffs, two more puffs, one more. Settled down against my will, still mapping the premises to see if Dr. Reid was insight.

  “Your mother alright?”

  “Don't ask mi anything ’bout Aubrea.”

  Daddy stared at me and was just looking like him lost something in my face. Everybody was returning to what they were doing, the look of excitement left the nurses’ face, and a look of tiredness took back their seats in their faces. The sick patients returned to being sick.

  “You bought the coconut water for her right?” I didn't answer.

  “She get it?” Daddy snapped tightening his big jawbone

  “No.”

  “What you do with it then?”

  "Mi leave it in the fridge at the receptionist on her ward, the nurse said I should just leave it there since Aubrea still sleeping. She will let Aubrea get it when she wake up.”

  “Then from the time you gone, what take you so long to come back?”

  “Mi go pee-pee —-”

  “Pee-pee so long? Is what you pissing out so?”

  “Listen nuh, you never make mi finish. And then mi was trying to get a light.”

  “You won’t stop smoke weed?”

  “You won’t stop go rum bar?”

  “Everywhere you go, you have weed hitch up between your breasts.”

  Mi push down the weed deeper in mi bosom, hissed my teeth, ’cause mi not seeing him, ’bout stop walk with weed.

  “You know how much time my weed save mi out of trouble on the road?”

  “Stop chat foolishness. What kind of trouble? Hsst!”

  “All type.”

  Daddy hissed his teeth again. “Anybody answering my phone?”

  “No. Look like them take out the chip.”

  “Call it again.”

  “Them take out the chip already, it just going straight to voice mail when mi call. Look like them take up you little piece of Nokia and gone with it.”

  “Call it again nuh Pinky.”

  “For what? It gone Daddy, just call that George.” Dad shook his head in regret as he came to grips with reality that his little old piece of Nokia 3310 that him love so much really gone. He stilled his head and sped out the question,

  “Get through to Leelia yet?”

  “No. Mi not getting she either.” I didn’t even look over at Vance on the bed, I dialled Lee, praying to God she just answer her damn phone this time. It’s not like Lee to leave her phone anywhere. Time was ticking away. I stared at Vance as I put the phone to my ear.

  (((Rrring. Rrring.)))

  CHAPTER 23

  Emergency, Just Pick up

  by: Leelia Lexings

  Honestly, I don't think I’ll even get my stuff from Qwan’s house. I’ll stay here by Gloe till I get somewhere to rent, definitely not going back to the ghetto by Mom. The only problem is how will I pay my school fee? Where will I get that money to finish up UWI? Where? My clear blue sky was turning gray to black to shit. The more I thought, the more my inside tightened. I felt like my whole inside was getting smaller. The tears stormed down my face. I pulled my thumb out my mouth, wiped more tears with the tissue.

  (((Rrring. Rrring)))

  I picked up my phone. Pinky again. I didn’t have the courage or stamina to deal with Pinky and her bombastic drama right now. All she was calling for was to curse and exaggerate everything. Or maybe to blame me. Whatever was her drama I didn’t want to hear. Pinky didn’t understand what I was going through and she’s only going to blast things even worse. I wanted to hug Mom, I want to lock myself into Gloe’s room forever. I never wanted to see anyone again. Jump off a cliff. Kill myself. My crying got loud, and breathing was like an asthma attack.

  “Vance ... Oh Vance.” I sniffed, wiped, patted my nose. The flints off the tissue aggravated my sinus.

  I was gonna make it up to Qwan. That’s the only way out. What would I have to do for him to ever forgive me, and forgive me soon. He would never forgive me. He never would. What in the world could be worse for a bride to do to her groom on his wedding day? Fuck seven cameramen? I must have given him the worst day of his life. The only way he would forgive me, the only way I could think of, was his father, Micheal Douglas. Yeah, that was it. Mr. Douglas owes me that much to be quiet. He must. Or else, I would tell everyone about what he did. A man who was so proud of the reputation he had spent years building would do anything to keep me hushed and having me publicized what’s hidden in his closet. I knew he didn’t want that. No way. That’s the plan.

  (((Rrring. Rrring)))

  I looked at the phone’s caller ID, it’s sis. I can’t manage you now Pinky, my head was in too much of a shamble. Ajrien. With everything tumbling down around me with this marriage, I thought about what’s real love. I was stupid to have been keeping my feelings for Ajrien closeted up. Should I let him know I still think of him a lot? Or do I even have the courage to let him know? What the hell, I’ve been keeping it buried forever. What’s wrong with a little harmless text to a childhood friend? I texted him a message with only two words in the text. ‘Miss you’. I didn’t want to say too much. I hoped it was enough to let him know that though I hadn’t spoken to him in years, I had his number, would never lose it and I still thought of him.

  (((Rrring. Rrring)))

  (((Rrring. Rrring)))

  I shut my phone off.

  No more calls. I just wanted to breathe, clear the noisy confusion out my head. I fell myself backward, flat on my back on the bed, spread my arms wide, staring up into the zinc roof and thought why didn’t Danielle at least made it concrete. It was the least she could do to upgrade the place and make it a little more neat and presentable. It looked so messy, and it’s not like she wasn’t making good money. My feet hung from the bed and was almost touching the brown wood of the old dresser infront the bed. I kicked off my heels. Shut the world out. Alone. I just want to be alone. No calls.

  No world.

  Just alone.

  No calls.

  CHAPTER 24

  What Now?

  by: Pinky & Leelia Lexings

  “Get her yet?” Daddy asked mi.

  “No. She lock off her phone on mi.” Dad shook his head.

  �
�Can’t believe she turn off her phone at a time like this, when her mother and brother in hospital one time.”

  “Remember she don't know Daddy.”

  “How you know she don’t know? Somebody must call and tell her.”

  “Well mi don't know ’cause mi never get to talk to her, so mi can’t judge and say nothing.”

  “Stop you noise Pinky, big rawtid mix-up like this and she don’t hear. Have sense nuh. If Thomas can call you from England ’bout it, how on God’s green earth Leelia don't hear yet and it’s her wedding it happen?”

  “That don’t mean she hear. Thomas hitch up on Munchy twitter, so him must hear and see everything the way how Munchy was taking picture and posting them on twitter. But you don't see Leelia phone lock off? How she going to hear nothing?”

  “Mi don’t understand this twitta or twippa thing whatever it name.”

  Well Munchy was broadcasting every piece of mix-up that took place at the wedding and posted over thirty pictures. Now it’s spreading faster than when Lisa Hype sex pics when them did just bust out. A concern came to my head. I put one hand in the air at Dad, trying to break the conversation.

  “No, wait ... wait.” Mi scroll through my phone for a number.

  "Mi Gone call Gloe. Is must over her Leelia gone. Let mi call and check.”

  Mi get Gloe on the second ring. Gloe said, Leelia was locked up in her room. Mi tell Gloe it’s a life and death matters we dealing with. She must tell Leelia that. Let her know that she must call back immediately.

  Mi did have to hang up in Gloe ears when she was blowing me kisses through the phone. Mi eagerly wait on Lee to call back.

  Adele. That’s what I would love to soothe my mind, and a bottle of Apple Vodka to drown my problems. Escape this mess. On the battered nightstand to the side of the bed was a small silver radio and stacked infront the radio was a messy pile of CD’s, some in cases, some not, none of them in original album cases. On the face of the CD’s were the ugliest and most untidy crab-toe handwriting, some written with black marker and some with red. Gosh, this could never be my stuff so unorganised and untidy. I breathe out a puffy breath as my mind thought about what I would love to listen.